I Ain’t Dead Yet!

As so very many of us know life can and does get insanely stupid at times, often when we’re far from prepared for it. Well dear readers, you guessed it. Happened to me. A Lokean of all people, right?

I’m not going to go into details as I don’t have all the information at this time, but let’s just say I could almost swear I heard even Hella head-desk. It has been certainly interesting, but on the up side this past weekend was a MUCH needed getaway for the wife and I. Nope, no pagan fest this time. We let our inner geek fly and went to Archon 43. We stayed in a… HOTEL! Gasp! For shame! What kind of Rokkatru are you? One that likes indoor plumbing and climate control, thank you very much.

So what does this have to do with a more or less spiritual blog? Because it fed my mundane joys. The people were also wonderful, so much less judgemental that people at festivals have been recently. Between you and I dearies, I am sick of the ever-loving Witch Wars that seem to constantly take place. It slides is like a shadow every where in the pagan community, everything from disagreements on UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) to sexual predation.

At the con, due to my mental issues, I was afraid I was not going to be able to do it. But on the first trek around the event, my wife was by my side, holding my hand and more than willing to step outside with me if I needed to.

Now I know at least a few of you know about cons. For me, I was able to enjoy, even going so far as to be alone because I was in costume. When in costume I was someone else, it wasn’t me, and for a little while I could be in a different skin and not my PTSD/Anxiety/(list goes here) self. I was a homeless undead, an Unseelie assassin, a steampunk captain, and a Lokean shamanist. And each had their own background, save the last, and I could be me again, touch that part of myself that was tucked away for so long.

At pagan events I couldn’t do that because I was either dealing with my issues or on staff. For years now I’ve had work-cations, volunteering my time and staying so busy that after it was done I was actually MORE exhausted than when I got there. Granted, I felt a great deal of pride and a certain type of fulfillment from the work yet it was still work. Before that is was years of fire performance. Lokean fire performer, big shock I know.

Anyway there is a point to this rambling. We are creatures that spend most of our lives in mundane ways and doing mundane things day in and out. Pagans, Heathens, Wiccans, Druids, Rokkatru, and all the others go to the Pagan gatherings and often save up all year to do so. Supporting fellow pagans in crafting, sharing and learning, stepping outside the mundane. It nourishes and replenishes the soul, reconnects that primal heart back to whatever is a part of your path. Then back to mundania we go, often with teary goodbyes as we drive away not wanting to leave.

Yet for the spiritual, events like a Sci Fi/Fantasy Convention can renew a different part of the soul for some of us. A part that is childlike and too often is buried under layers of embarrassment, shame, or because we have heard too often how mundane things we love are stupid. Fandoms, you know exactly what I mean. Attendance means you can be your other selves. Try on a new skin. I had forgotten that feeling. And if shapeshifting like that isn’t honoring Loki, well, let’s just say I think it does and leave it there.

Also without doubt, there is magic at such places/events. Magic of dreams and creativity abounds and is there to be touched, danced in, knowledge shared. Panels to speak on everything from “Is Star Trek Going Downhill” to “The Afterlife”. Go to a room party, but be aware of the theme trust me. Sit with a stranger and talk about the shared wonder of a common fandom.

It doesn’t even have to be a Con. It could be a SCA (Society of Creative Anachronism) event, a cosplay contest, anime con, and so many more. Even concerts and carnivals, sideshows and circuses! I dare you to go to a burlesque show or a Vaudevillian theatre. When was the last time you saw an illusionist in person?

Yes, there is magic at such places without a doubt. Magic an old Lokean/Rokkatru has missed ever so much. Because these events evoke a truly powerful font for those willing to be open to it.


Another View

Yes, I know it’s been a long while since my last post. Life happens and especially for Lokeans it seems to happen all at once.

Today, I am not here to write about myself, my path, or the way I do things. No I am going to speak on observations that I have had. I may reiterate things from past posts, but memory is “iffy” at times so just hang in there. There is a point to be made. I think.

Controversy. NOT an unfamiliar topic for those who walk with the Left Hand whatever faith. Yet I find it interesting that the very same souls that would willingly go about breaking convention and mundane outlooks, the ones that challenge the societal norms and accept their place as the outsiders, would so quickly judge others. Oh, stop it. We all do it, just whether it is with intent or not. Often it is based entirely on instinct that we judge others. It is when that judgement is thought through and based on not instinct but personal biases and hurts. This is what I see rippling through my beloved community of “Others”. I see it hitting the Lokean and Rökkatru circles, all over the fact that someone sees things or interprets things differently and in their own way. This is the first thing I am witnessing. UPG being used against people to accuse them of everything from mental health issues to manipulation and grooming.

It saddens me that we (Rökkatru), who follow such Primal deities, do not understand when emotions run high, when to step back, when to stop. Those emotions and our willingness to feel them on such a deep and primal level honors the Rökkr, but it beginning to be channeled against each other instead of deserving enemies. Why? Why are we doing this? It is a question that burns through my mind and my heart. Elders are to respected, yes, but when they show themselves unworthy of respect through action, word, and/or deed well that is on them isn’t it? We CHOOSE who we wish to follow when it comes to mortal leaders in our own communities or if we choose to lead ourselves. NONE of us have the immediate right of authority over another simply because of age or learning.

Let’s face the fact that establishing some sort of dominance is a given no matter where you go, who you are with, or how it is done. And oh the dominance challenges I have seen… powerful and wonderful when done right. But the petty he said she said, the rumor mongering, the slander of character is some grade school level shit and absolutely below any who would claim this path. Oh don’t misunderstand me, these things can be amazing tools for those who have earned it. Yet we use it on each other.

Now onto the second part, these absolutely laughable arguments that have been flying around about Loki. Remember folks, this is my blog and based on personal experience and observation, so if what follows pisses you off oh well. Loki is a fucking GOD for the first thing. Yes some of us may receive messages or information, but claiming to speak directly for him is asking for chaos to stop by and give you a bit of anal drilling. I know what I KNOW for me. MY truth. And I walk with Loki in my life, can feel His presence with me, everyday. Also, I wouldn’t dare to claim to know His mind or heart. We are ants to Him and all divines. Yet He cares for his followers, and I have no doubt watches over us, sometimes even pointing and laughing when we faceplant.

Here’s where we start to step into the controversy though. Rökkr, Jötun, or however you wish to address Them, and within nearly every Pagan path, you have those whose belief runs truly deep. Godspousing is a REAL practice, and who are we to say how the spouses interact? Whether deeply sexual, spiritual, BDSM, or cutesy-lovey would you say anything unless the relationship was with a mortal and abusive? And dearies, if you think that a Divine being is incapable of taking care of even a mildly abusive mortal spouse, what is the address of your rock cause it sounds rather comfortable under there.

That said, let’s address the folks who talk about and claim things that so many find “impossible” or “outlandish”. Jötun-blooded, carrying the lineage of the Rökkr in their mortal blood or being granted a piece of a Divine to carry within themselves. Where is the problem with this? Delusion you say? Are you sure? We wake everyday and walk in a world of miracles. We travel through time because we perceive it as we do, we interact with what we know to be reality, but what if a strong enough belief were able to change that even a little? Ah, I hear cries of “Absurd!” and “You’re Nuts!” from somewhere. Allow me to point out that the ones crying such things, many of them believe that the magic they work has effect in the form of changing reality to their need or desire. Personally, I believe. What? That anything is possible. Magik, the blood of Gods in mortals, and so very very much more. Why? Because I do and while I have nothing to prove to anyone, I will say that I have seen and experienced far too much in my life not to believe.

So through this rambling, through it all, can you see it? The pattern in the Chaos? So long as we are tearing at each other we are not a danger or a threat to anything else. Could you imagine, could you dream big enough of the possibilities if we all got our collective Rökkatru shit together? First our Deities would probably stop face-palming. We are growing in number and new ones see nothing but arguments and in-fighting? Many out there are working painstakingly to bring us together, but there are just as many that would see us left on our own, to walk alone and solitary.

This is where my personal opinions come in and in this particular writing do not have a place. Just remember that this is no longer the easy times. The Tower is crumbling and striking so very many. Women, immigrants, asylum seekers, POC, LGBTQ+, and on and on. How long do you think it will be before that Pentacle or Hammer you wear with pride will mark YOU as a target? I stand with my Tribe. Do you?